PAKALOLO
NOVELLA & SCREENPLAY ANALYSIS
California voters’ approval of Proposition 215, and the first-ever in America legalization of Marijuana, gives ‘PAKALOLO’ a solid start point, as well as an interesting world to explore.
The story begins with the factually accurate accounting of the August 4, 1996, California Bureau of Narcotics Enforcement raid on the San Francisco Cannabis Buyers’ Club, that sets in motion a series of events that span from Maui, Hawaii, to LA, and to Las Vegas.
The decision to center the story around Howie, a Hawaiian entrepreneur with his own cultural perspective, as well as his Hawaiian friends and confederates, adds a layer of originality. Surfers and smugglers, and Pakalolo and cash, and cops and robbers, makes for a unique combination that captures the zeitgeist of the 1990s.
The various subplots add layers of complexity that make the story really engaging as it weaves a cat-and-mouse game between Howie, the criminals, and law enforcement. As pressure mounts and rivals close in, Howie must rely on his own determination and that of a few trusted allies to outsmart the cops and the crooks - before he loses it all. The climax, where all the characters’ paths converge, is a tense and thrilling payoff.
The writer's voice is gritty, realistic, and suspenseful, immersing the audience in the worlds of the illegal drug trade, cop-talk, and organized crime. It's characterized by sharp dialogue that reveals character motivations and conflicts, detailed descriptions of settings and actions, and a blend of humor and tension that adds authenticity to the narrative.
This age-old story of the search for buried treasure, and the greed and treachery that accompanies such endeavors, is written in two formats: a 113-page novella and a 97-page Hollywood formatted screenplay. The two versions serve to demonstrate the link between the prose of a book and the visual medium of film-writing.
Ultimately, the story serves as a reflection on the intersection of morality, legality, and the pursuit of the American dream within a changing cultural landscape, making the narrative relatable.
'PAKALOLO' offers a compelling premise, with its blend of drama and social commentary, that will appeal to audiences interested in both character-driven and action-packed stories, and the real-life repercussions of contemporary issues.
[For background information on the legally-questionable law enforcement action of August 4, 1996, please see:]
(Written by, Ferguson, Sarah. Photos by Kirchheimer, Gabe. “Calif. Cops Raid Buyers’ Club and Proposition 215 Offices.” High Times. November 1996. Pp. 26-29, 38-39.)
10,000 Comedians
WESCREENPLAY SCRIPT ANALYSIS
10,000 COMEDIANS - THE NO BS! TOUR has a fascinating, very distinct, and likable protagonist in Montana. Montana's always upbeat attitude and no-nonsense approach to life is very refreshing and appealing.
The script features very witty, expressive dialogue, and Montana's comedy performances in the Guerrilla Theatre and elsewhere are thoroughly humorous and great fun to read.
The reader feels fully invested in seeing Montana pursue his new career as a performer in Hollywood, and in his encounters with organized criminals. The script delivers a very involving, lively story as we follow Montana's journey to success as a comedian in Los Angeles.
The dialogue between Montana, Shirley, Earl, Bob, and the other characters is also very lively, brisk, and amusing, and even the cook Cecil has a hilarious scene early in the script. The criminals' dialogue is also wonderfully gritty and suspenseful, helping bring more intrigue and tension to the story.
The more antagonistic characters like Amado, Santiago, Pablo and their cronies, and the mentally unhinged Grim-Faced-Man, help bring a great sense of dramatic tension and high stakes to the story.
The script moves forward swiftly with a great sense of momentum, particularly as we follow Montana's exciting rise to success as a comedian, and the script nicely builds to the climactic action in Las Vegas.
There's also a nicely clear sense of three-act structure, as the "inciting incident" of Montana getting invited to perform at the Guerrilla Theatre occurs by page 20 in Act One, and then the set-up of Act One breaks into the main action of Act Two by page 29, as we see the LAPD SWAT team's raid on the criminals.
The script ends on a thrilling, and genuinely surprising, final twist-reveal and gripping cliffhanger, with the reader wondering what will happen next.
The script feels conceptually very strong as a lively action-comedy, and it's sure to appeal to viewers who enjoy comedies that also cleverly satirize Hollywood, as seen with acclaimed hits like GET SHORTY and THE PLAYER. This film is sure to be enthusiastically received in both a theatrical and streaming release.
NORTHSTAR: Script Analysis
SCRIPT ANALYSIS: THE SCRIPT LAB
North Star is a conspiracy thriller full of exciting action and compelling twists and turns. The juxtaposition between civilian characters who are in way over their heads versus a team of paramilitary professionals makes for a unique mix and a story that stands out from the crowd.
The opening sequence of this script does an effective job of establishing Jesse and Susie Lee, first from the perspective of the military audience at the gentlemen's club, and then from their own perspectives behind the scenes. Their initial depictions are erotic and flirtatious, but behind the scenes, we learn more about their actual goals and ambitions. This is an effective parallel.
We see that Jesse and Susie are in over their heads, with no real concept of how to operate in this situation, but they demonstrate strength and intelligence by improvising their way into an eventual stalemate with the Colonel and his forces. Their main decisions feel well-motivated and consistent with their characters, which makes the action and overall storytelling satisfying.
Special Agent Harkin is professional, tough, and practical. Once she appears, the script can escalate in terms of its action and tension, as Harkin gives Susie Lee and Jesse a believable tactical edge.
This script tells its story well, with an exciting, twisty overall narrative punctuated by some excellent action scenes and tense sequences. The opening sets up the characters and the story quickly and clearly through action and logical plotting. It's fun that this whole story comes back to a dumb military guy getting too handsy during a lap dance, but the escalation and consequences are clear and easy to follow.
The first act does an excellent job of creating tension and dramatic irony, as the audience knows the importance of the flash drive and its potential impact, but Carl and Jesse are unaware of the forces they are dealing with. This builds toward an exciting escalation at the gentlemen's club, where Jesse and Susie Lee witness a military police killing, but don't quite realize exactly what's happening yet.
This is one of the things the script does best -- it creates tension by keeping the characters on different pages, allowing the audience to see how their actions might play out, building a sense of dread as we wait for the consequences.
The script's plotting works well, overall. The more grounded action sequences, like the car chase and the escape in the third act, are exciting and dramatic and make for some real thrills.
This script is structured well, with an excellent sense of dramatic escalation and pacing. The first act uses its structure to create dramatic irony, and once the action kicks in and the story escalates, the action sequences and plot developments happen at just the right times to drive the story.
WHAT'S YOUR DISORDER?
SCREENPLAY ANALYSIS
WHAT’S YOUR DISORDER? THE REALITY SHOW
Conceptually the meta game-show/play here certainly lends itself to some strong thematic elements, with the opportunity not only to organically incorporate some deeper philosophical themes but to get them across in this fun tangible format on the stage.
The beginning of the script hooks us instantly with its fast-paced tension build up. The scenes in this part are short, crisp, and very effective, we want to know what the story is about.
This screenplay has a unique structure where the story moves from the stage play to a real life audience. This creates intrigue and the presentation feels new.
As the stage play continues the audience becomes restless for the reality show to start. This creates good suspense. There is good imagery here.
The first contestant that Mejon interacts with has been presented in a very sarcastic way. Trying to psychoanalyze a famous and controversial personality like this without using his real identity is a unique idea. This portion establishes the writer’s voice very strongly. The dialogues are mostly clear and have comic undertones which brings a freshness and buoyancy to the script.
Vinny the lawyer and Vinny the producer are grey characters. They can take any risk and use any unscrupulous means to get what they want. They make things happen for Mejon which excites us, and we like them instinctively even though we know they are crooked.
Nicole and Kevin are both greedy and lustful. This makes them behave in dangerously unpredictable ways which adds entertainment and emotional variation in the story. Their chemistry is shown well.
The first man and the first woman are representatives of the general masses. They strongly display some common characteristics of the general population today like intolerance, emotional insensitivity, and selfishness. They bring strong emotions and drama within the space they get.
When Nicole attacks Mejon, it’s a startling moment, there is strong drama in this particular portion. In the end, the turn of events shocks us. It portrays the animalistic, intolerant side of human nature in a sarcastic way. It’s a good twist in the end.
This script is based on the basic theme that all of us have issues inside us, and we need to accept those issues. Also, there’s another theme here. Our tendency to believe whatever we see on TV. This strongly highlights the influence media and the TV and the film industry has on the masses.
The writing is smooth and clear enough to paint the visuals in our minds as we read.
SCREENPLAY: SCRIPT ANALYSIS
SCRIPT ANALYSIS
READER: DMCPSN
OPENING THOUGHTS
THE LOST GOSPELS OF MARIAM AND JUDAS tells a compelling alternative version of Christianity’s origin that offers an intriguing thematic exploration of faith’s power and the danger it can present.
CHARACTERS
The script does well in its opening pages to set Yeshua and Judas apart as characters with a sense of morality and justice, as we see Judas come to Yeshua’s aid on page 2 and Yeshua to the young girl’s on page 11. We become invested in their success as a result, particularly when pitted against characters like Herod Antipas, who are shown in detestable light in scenes like the one on page 94. The script does well to balance these noble characteristics with ones that make our central characters feel human, with a moment like Yeshua’s call for his men to fight on page 77 showing that he is capable of errant judgment.
PLOT
The script’s plot finds a great sense of focus by the time Yeshua departs the Temple of Isis on page 27 to fight against the Romans, taking the story in a clear direction the audience can invest in. It also finds some great setbacks and moments of bitter disappointment for our central characters, like their failed attack starting on page 70.
STRUCTURE
The script finds a sturdy, overarching three-act structure centered on Yeshua’s fight against the Romans, with his departure from the temple on page 27 working well as an act one turning point, and his failed siege by page 77 taking us into the final act as his group attempts to save themselves from the fallout.
DIALOGUE
The script’s dialogue shows a real craft for language and storytelling. The dialogue is also excellent in moments of conflict, like the aforementioned argument between Yeshua and James the Just, as the debate of blind faith versus skepticism on page 51 unfolds in compelling, organic fashion.
CONCEPT
The script’s concept is definitely one of its strengths, as this story is one audiences will be unfamiliar with but one connected to biblical tales most will have some understanding of. The concept is incredibly unique and exciting in that it tells a story involving Christ that leaves room for agnostic, atheist, or skeptical viewers to connect with the material, as Yeshua himself is shown to be wary of throwing fate entirely into the hands of God.
FINAL THOUGHTS
THE LOST GOSPELS OF MARIAM AND JUDAS features a story with obvious potential, both commercially and artistically.
Writer's Digest Review
Writer’s Digest Competition 2022
Judge, 30th Annual Writer’s Digest Self-Published Book Awards.
The Lost Gospels of Mariam and Judas
Plot, Story, or Topic Appeal:
This book has some unique elements and will appeal to fans of Biblical era stories who are open to alternative interpretations.
Character Appeal and Development:
This book is exemplary in character appeal (or interest) and development. All main characters (including antagonists) are unique and fully fleshed out with compelling, layered motivations and traits. Secondary characters are unique and have a meaningful purpose. The characters are well developed. He uses dialogue well to flesh out the main characters. Secondary characters are given enough space for the reader to understand their motivations and actions.
Voice and Writing Style:
He includes enough historical details to give the reader a real sense of the era without coming across as too pedantic. The story moves steadily forward. The drawings and maps are a nice touch and add to the overall experience. This book is adequate in its voice and writing style. This book is satisfactory in its structure, organization, and pacing.
Production Quality and Cover Design:
This book is exemplary in production quality and cover design. The physical materials, printing, and binding are of professional quality and traditional industry standards. The typesetting and page layout (including illustrations, images, or figures) are easy to follow, thoughtfully designed, and error free. The cover appears to be professionally designed and is compellingly related to the content/genre of the book.
PRESS RELEASE
Two-Thousand-Year-Old Mystery of Jesus Christ Revealed in New Historical Fiction Book
In ‘The Lost Gospels of Mariam & Judas,’ Rev. William Williams unveils ancient scrolls discovered in the Vatican’s secret archives
LOUISVILLE, KY. (PRWEB) NOVEMBER 05, 2021
The truth and facts of historic tales can be unknown and a mystery to many. In “The Lost Gospels of Mariam & Judas,” the author who writes under the pen name Rev. William Williams, shares a pseudepigraphic work revealing a new telling of the life-story of one of the most influential figures in history, Jesus Christ, or, as he would have been known at that time, Yeshua the Nazarene. According to the biblical account, only about three years of Jesus’ life are accounted for. “The Lost Gospels of Mariam & Judas” exposes a different story of Jesus’ entire life to solve the puzzle of his birth up to the mystery of his death and what may have really happened afterwards.
In the book, an anonymous researcher, archivist and translator discovered these long-lost accounts in the Vatican Apostolic Archive written by Mariam of Magdala and Judas Iscariot. After translating the ancient scrolls, the researcher realized the words of Mariam and Judas could be a threat to the Church. The researcher feared the Church would suppress these words of Mariam and Judas and may very possibly destroy it. The researcher gave this translated document to the Reverend William Williams with the hopes of him publishing this important information for the world to see. In the book, Williams examines the words contained in the ancient scrolls of Mariam and Judas to provide answers to this 2,000-year-old mystery.
This book, the result of years-long research from biblical and scholarly works, is a richly detailed new account of the life of Jesus and the two who knew him best, Mariam of Magdala and Judas Iscariot. Ultimately, lovers of mysteries and historical fiction will find “The Lost Gospels of Mariam & Judas” fascinating as they follow along on Williams’ journey seeking the truth.
“The Lost Gospels of Mariam & Judas”
By Rev. William Williams
ISBN: 9781665532310 (softcover); 9781665532327 (hardcover); 9781665532334 (electronic)
Available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and AuthorHouse
About the author
The late Reverend William Williams is the author of the autobiography “Will It Play in Peoria” and the compiler of “The Lost Gospels of Mariam & Judas.” A student of philosophy and theology, he strived to make sense of this world.
General Inquiries:
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BIBLICAL ARCHAEOLOGY
Fall 2022 – The Book
Winter 2022 – The Screenplay
ISBN 13 (SOFT): 9781665532310
ISBN 13 (HARD): 9781665532327
ISBN 13 (eBook): 9781665532334
KIRKUS REVIEW
A well-researched, if somewhat staid, spin on biblical events.
BY WILLIAM WILLIAMS ‧ RELEASE DATE: SEPT. 14, 2021
A historical novel about Jesus and Judas that delves into both men’s early days.
Readers familiar with the Christian Gospels will encounter a startling scene at the start of this biblically inspired tale. A young boy named Judas Iscariot, traveling on the road with his parents, sees another boy being bullied and beaten by a group of three other kids. He rushes over to intervene and saves the child from further harm. The boy’s name is Yeshua, and he’s the son of Yosef and Mary of Nazareth. When the two families meet, it turns out that Judas’ father, Simon, is the brother of Mary’s mother, Anne, making Yeshua and Judas cousins. The two become fast friends, and, as a result, Judas has a front-row seat for Yeshua’s rise from a provincial carpenter’s apprentice to a combative young man who increasingly dreams of overthrowing Roman rule. Readers see a well-known story through a very different lens as Yeshua’s disciples, led by Judas, become “captains” dedicated to building an insurrectionist army. A priestess named Mariam, who narrates portions of the book, joins them; Judas likens her to prominent female figures of Scripture, such as Jael and Judith (“Like these women warriors who acted bravely to save the Habirum,” he narrates, “Mariam would fight alongside us”). There are inspirational movements woven throughout the narrative—Yeshua and his followers are very much aware of Yokhanan the Baptizer’s religious activities, for instance—but, interestingly, there are virtually no supernatural moments. Yeshua is a healer, true, but one who uses herbs and other substances; in the book’s version of a familiar incident from the Gospels of Matthew and Luke, in which Jesus heals a Roman centurion’s servant, he goes to the man’s house to apply medicines rather than working a miracle. These realistic scenes seem written with an eye toward research rather than drama; the text explains everything from Palestinian politics to Roman fish sauce in laborious detail that is too seldom counterbalanced by more evocative, personal moments, as when Yosef wearily says of his quarrelsome son, “Yeshua will debate with the donkey.” However, fans of Anthony Burgess’ 1979 novel, Man of Nazareth, will likely enjoy this exploration of similar territory.
A well-researched, if somewhat staid, spin on biblical events.